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fionn_a_bhair [userpic]

Life as a Londoner

February 28th, 2008 (11:35 pm)
confused

current location: London
current mood: confused

Adventures in London: or the less than fabulous life of a London temp.

So, life in the...Bigger city, is...not quite the round of sky high heels, theatre premieres and cocktails for which I had been led to hope (which just proves that silly girls shouldn't watch so much Sex and the City).  In addition, as an honest woman, I must admit that I am actually not that keen on wearing a suit all day, every day.  Searching for a job in these circumstances is...trying to say the least.  You can not imagine how frustrating it is to be told, constantly, that you lack sufficient admin experience, when as temp, you are perfectly well aware that actually...admin is so easy a sixteen year old could do it.  Plus, the other aspect of temping that truly sucks, is not knowing whether rent and/or food is something you'll be able to afford this month.

Still, somehow, I have managed to get an interview next week.  For an actual job, working in an actual theatre.  Not a good job mind you, but I've hit the point where I really don't care any more.  If I get this job, I can stay in London, maybe get my own crappy studio flat...and be far, far away from my flatmates (who are...less than congenial at the moment).  If I don't get the job...then I have to seriously consider moving back to Dublin. 



However, as shitty as temping and my London life have occasionally been, there are always moments of hilarity.  Take for instance, this morning:

Me
: (Has that thing no woman who wears heels wants to happen, when my stiletto disappears down a tiny wee hole.  Flails about trying to remove it.)
Random Man: Here let me help you.
Me: No, really I'm fine. (Thinks: Go away.  Can't you see I want to be ignored by the populace?)
Random Man: I'll fix it.  (Wrenchs my shoe from the crevice with enough force to damage the heelKeeps his hand on my ankle) You know, this almost like something from a film.  (Looks up my skirt)  Do you like films?
Me: Yeah.  (Runs away as fast as my heels can carry me)  Byeeeeeeeeeeee!

Or, in a nightclub toilet, explaining my man-woes to a friend over the phone, I say:
Me: I feel really awkward and uncomfortable, I don't know how to deal with it, except to drink more.
Friend: You have nothing to feel awkward about.  He's the one in the wrong.  You just go out there and make him realize it.
Me: But I can still drink more, right?
Friend: Sighs. (The particular sigh of someone who knows they'll be called tomorrow for a 'You won't believe what I did...' conversation)
Me: Drinks more.  Ignores random people looking for blowjobs, talks about Bob Dylan, and apologizes to own feet on the way home.

Or, on the Tube, I get knocked into by an inept pickpocket.
Random Woman: Oh I'm sorry, I don't know how that happened.
Me: (Skeptical) Yeah.  My hand ends up in other people's handbags all the time,
Random Woman: You too!  I thought I was the only one.
Me: Glares. 

Or, on the Train platform when I am approached by a creepy guy.
Creepy Guy: So why won't you give me your address?
Me: Well...emm...I
Creepy Guy: Is it cause you're scared I'll come into your room at night?
Me: ... (Thinks: Killed on a Tube platform - not a good way to go)

Or finally, in my very important Reception job in an investment bank, I am approached by two Australians who deal with currency and stock exchanges and numbers and other stuff I never want to understand,
Important Aussies Who Are Customers of the Bank: G'Day,
Me: OMG!  I didn't think you actually said that.

The thing about London is that...for the people who live there, it's the Worst City in the World - except for all the Others.  I've reached the point where I often say 'Oh London' in the same way I say 'Oh McNulty' when watching The Wire.  It's actually a surprise when something doesn't go wrong.

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